Gravy is the blood of murdered teddy bears.

Q: What do myself and Bea Arthur’s Kegel muscles have in common?

A: They are both very lazy.

It has been an extremely long time since my last blog entry. If I had readers, I’d apologize. Since I don’t, I am eating a Kit Kat. Mmm… this is what dreams are made of. Well, my dreams include Charlize Theron hang gliding naked as well as kit kats, so I suppose that was a half-truth. I have been quite reluctant to post another blog, and not just due to a lack of motivation. My last one took quite a bit of time, and I felt it ventured fairly close to the realm of the “NotCompletelyMoronic”. Since most of what I write IS moronic, I was afraid of not being able to follow through with another just slightly better than average piece of drivel. Wow, that kind of sounds like the career of The Offspring, although it seems quite unlikely that they are afraid of releasing truly diabolical music since their discography is about as interesting as having a stegosaurus practice it’s floor routine in your rectum. Sorry Offspring fans, but they both blow and suck like the finest of mail-order brides.

Speaking of music, I received some good news today. Apparently my band is going to be opening for Papa Roach in Grande Prairie this Sunday. Now I’m probably not the biggest fan of Papa Roach, but I have seen them live and their show is really, really good. They also happen to be a very successful American band that needs a handful of somewhat local douches to warm up the stage for them, so the band and I are more than happy to make the trip. Besides, Grande Prairie has some lovely steak restaurants, and for some reason I buy about 40% of my year’s supply of eye drops there… what a tourist trap.

“Ma, when I grow up I want to be a Local Douche!”

Other than that, things are fairly routine in my vagina of the woods. (Everyone lives in the neck, no more room). Been writing quite a bit with the Tupelo fellas and I’m pretty excited with the direction the recent tunes have been going. I’m also getting excited for the show we are playing at the Urban Lounge on Nov 10th, mainly since the Murder City Sparrows and The Hot Business are playing with us; two great bands full of many great friends.

This blog entry is way less of an ill-informed rant then my usual ones, and is more of an update on my personal life… haha, if anyone ACTUALLY cares call your local suicide prevention hotline. I’m just doing this to get in the habit of updating this damn thing so that one day I will have a faithful reader. But until that day, I will be eating chocolate bars and looking at hang gliding vids on youtube.

Down with lying scumbags trying to sell you into stock market bailouts,
Steve