Betchya can't find my penis.

Holy screaming crotches, it has been yet another ice age since my last blog post. I don’t know how some people can manage to write something every day. Oh wait, yes I can; they have interesting lives. Haha, oh I’m being such a wanker. The truth is that I am lazy, and for that I will NOT apologize.

Sorry, I’ve been really lazy…

Anyways, now that I have made the commitment to start another blog entry, let’s get this wretched slut in motion! This last weekend has been nothing short of interesting. On the Saturday and Sunday, myself and the other whelps in the band were out filming a video with our good friends (and number one hookups for human horn. Oh come on, didn’t anybody watch Futurama? Oh. I can be SUCH a virgin sometimes…) from Blatant Films. Jon, Jeremy, Jesse, and Marc all made us stand outside in the cold for a good 8 hours on the Saturday wearing nowhere near enough warm clothing. And of course, it was ESSENTIAL for the video to have the bald guy (that’s me) not wearing a warm hat. There isn’t a proctologist with cold enough fingers in the entire world to live up to that kind of chill, but I won’t rest until I find one. I really hope it is Kate Beckinsale. Anyways, the video is for a song called “Not Alone” and I’m pretty sure that it will end up being super awesome. Those guys are extremely talented and work so bloody hard to make things happen so it should be pretty cool. Wow, that was an even more shameless plug then the ones sticking out of William Shatner’s scalp.

“Dear Mr. Shatner, please accept my apology for making fun of your VERY REAL hair. It is not a subject for ridicule, and it’s infallible awesomeness is truly inspiring to us all.”

Incidentally, if anyone wandering around rural Alberta happens to stumble across what appears to be two frozen testicles, feel free to email me.

The weekend definitely closed with a bang on the Monday night when we played at the Urban Lounge with The Hot Business and The Murder City Sparrows. Both of those bands are good friends of ours and it was really great to see them again. The Hot Business consists of three former members of Drive By Punch as well as some really talented musicians that I hadn’t yet met. They were an extremely cool band and I’m sure they will do some great things. And what an amazing crowd! No penis pump currently on the market can inflate your ego quite like the lineup of people outside the club on Monday night. A big thanks to Murder City and THB for being part of the show and making it that much better of a concert. It was awesome seeing so many people out and enjoying themselves whilst listening to really poor guys rocking out, and a huge thanks to whomever brought the great boobs in the blue shirt. They really tied the room together.

The most hilarious part of Monday night was the fact that at least 7 people (7 WHOLE PEOPLE!! That’s like…. Almost 8!!) came up to me and said that they read my blog! HAHAHA! SUCKERS!!! Ahem, I mean… thanks! As flattered as I am, I’m also kind of nervous now that I know some people read this. For example, If I happen to write something like this;

SHAWN KILGRAIN LOVES GAY PORN!!!!!

….it may result in someone getting a little upset. Luckily, Shawn really does love gay porn and there is no way anyone will be insulted by that. Haha, just kidding Shawn. You are so cool. Heck, pretty much Shatner cool.

Hold on one second here.

This is starting to sound like some regular, ordinary, no-sugar-added kind of diary entry. I hate those! Hmmm… how can I spice this up? Quick Steve, think!!!

“The young girl’s lower lip quivered like the last leaf on an autumn poplar as she met the full gaze of her lover, his brown eyes inviting their way into the most secret places of her mind. She trembled with both uncertainty and excitement as she slowly unbuttoned her white blouse, then unzipped her plaid school uniform skirt, allowing it to gracefully fall to the wooden floor. It was only a few summers ago when she broke her ankle climbing up the side of the barn while playing hide and seek with her cousins, and now she was entering womanhood in the same place. Like an exploding star in a distant nebula, the tiny red light indicated that the camera was recording. With one last look into the dark eyes of her co-star, she descended into a squat position; one hand gripping the foreleg of the mustang, the other firmly stroking the...”

WHOA!!! Maybe that was a little too much spice… Ok, I think I’ll wrap this up for today.

William Shatner is way better at everything then I am,
Steve

P.S. I’m going to try and write something way more often, perhaps sometimes every day if I actually have something to write about. Just don’t expect it to be good! In fact, I’m going to make SURE it sucks just to screw you over. HA HA HA!!

P.P.S. I’m not going to try and screw you over. The extremely small number of people who may read this are all I have. Please don’t leave.